Last Night in New Mexico (505)

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

  (1-506): View more from New Brunswick

  Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  As shirtless as possible

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  ...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.

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