I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.