I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never