just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home