one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.