She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.