Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?