Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy