oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.