there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.