Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....