He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.