After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.