He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.