whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.