it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations