BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?