I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.