i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.