I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy