I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.