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guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
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