I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.