He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.