i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.