I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself