I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.