Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.