please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.