So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.