Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.