so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?