The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?