Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"