A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force