We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.