The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.