Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.