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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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