Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."