Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!