Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?