I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.