And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
