I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
