11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He shit in the fireplace
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?