I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.