I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is