Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (903)

Last Night in Texas (903)

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(903): View more from Texas

There's a naked man in my car right now.

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(903): There's a naked man in my car right now. http://tfl.nu/6qzb

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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.

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(903): I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot. http://tfl.nu/592z

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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong

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(903): I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong http://tfl.nu/enrc

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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.

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(903): Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head. http://tfl.nu/qt0n

Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (161)
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?

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(903): I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical? http://tfl.nu/u7vi

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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.

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(903): I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat. http://tfl.nu/c6vl

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(903): View more from Texas

Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.

(1-903): View more from Texas

Dude I've been in FL since Monday.

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(903): Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night. (1-903): Dude I've been in FL since Monday. http://tfl.nu/crr9

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Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.

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(903): Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts. http://tfl.nu/fdo3

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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

(903): View more from Texas

I would peed on everything

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(361): WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM? (903): I would peed on everything http://tfl.nu/6qp3

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Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!

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(903): Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!! http://tfl.nu/fyj1

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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs

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(903): On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs http://tfl.nu/pggr

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Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.

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(903): Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned. http://tfl.nu/e67l

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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

(936): View more from Texas

You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

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(903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex

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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.

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(903): And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table. http://tfl.nu/a0uv

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I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.

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(903): I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/287m

Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in Texas (903)

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