And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits