I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary