And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.