Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (217)

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.

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  (217): I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times. http://tfl.nu/aihm
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  Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.

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  (217): Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack. http://tfl.nu/wwoa
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  what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"

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  (217): what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?" http://tfl.nu/sbqo
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  I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.

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  (217): I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think. http://tfl.nu/6ltd
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  I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.

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  (217): I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine. http://tfl.nu/bpq4
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  Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit

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  (217): Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit http://tfl.nu/cmoj
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  Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.

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  (217): Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons. http://tfl.nu/9jo6
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  I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits

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  (217): I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits http://tfl.nu/cv3j
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  Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest

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  (217): Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest http://tfl.nu/6z1q
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  Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual

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  (217): Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual http://tfl.nu/ib6l
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  You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese

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  (217): You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese http://tfl.nu/jq2v
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  I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.

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  (217): I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound. http://tfl.nu/nj12
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  Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..

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  (217): Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself.. http://tfl.nu/ozpb
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  I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...

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  (217): I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop... http://tfl.nu/qb0c
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  The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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  (217): The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car.. http://tfl.nu/pl9j
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