I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??