But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me