i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?