I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?