bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.