Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
