Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.