you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.