Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.