I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?