I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"