Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.