I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News