i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night