This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.