I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i permit you to call me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.