Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so let's talk penis.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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