Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired