The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
