I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work