Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.