I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?