Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
