One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who died my cat blue again?