i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.