You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.