So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends