He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
this hospital has no fireball
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants