its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants