sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"