In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement