Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Terrible idea I love it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.