2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"