i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.